Holy and Righteous

I woke up at 4 AM this morning. So, I'm sitting in front of my computer and started wondering, after watching a number of sermons yesterday on Palm Sunday, how are the concept holy and righteous defined? And, what does that mean to me as a challenged Christian who lived quasi righteously up to a certain time in my life? How does holiness look? I know I focused in my past blog posts about my chronic depression that's some attributed by a disfigurement of looks, but rather than focusing on my outward appearance, how about focusing on holiness and righteousness? What does it mean to be holy and righteous? I used to volunteer as a Sunday school Children's Ministry teacher at the church in SF during two-three years of college, and back then, I had been challenged to think about holiness and righteousness in the context of Jesus Christ our Saviour. 

In a prior post, I had spoken about how I missed the church ministry from the past. I left VOG after about a year and a half, during which I had an undefined friendship to Andrew W., and moved onto a new ministry when moving to NYC. I can't really say I contributed to fellowship and that fellowship was good because when I attended Emmanuel Presbyterian on my first Sunday, the events that took place again involved Korean guys, coincidentally Columbia Law graduate and student, Eugene and Kane. Later on in that year, I was invited to fellowship with a group of new friends, mostly Korean, and attended an enjoyable Bible study after which I mentioned the invitation to a NY Yankees game. 

If I was to have entered into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, with whomever from those few years, I guess I'd imagine it'd to be holy and righteous as instructed by our God. Being air-headed, though, complicated by the liposuction and chin implant problems, I'd need to be reminded of that, which explains the chain of events occurring once I returned to Fresno and tried out "dating" apps. I think the concept of "dating" apps isn't bad and that a holy and righteous relationship as modeled by Jesus our Saviour is attainable. What if, as is in my case currently, there is lack of dating opportunities in person, because I'm no longer in a metro area like NYC where finding a match in person, whether it's at work, school, or at church, is likelier? In that case, the "dating" app is a feasible option for finding a holy and righteous relationship that's modeled after Christ. The trouble is my history with dating apps and what I've experienced with Korean guys on those apps. 

That song "Give Me, Jesus" and the lyrics "More than silver, more than gold" resonates with me as I write this post. "I don't want anyone else, I don't need anything else" is exactly how I feel as I draw my conclusion after writing this post. Having said that, I still suffer the negative consequences of a chin implant/chin problem that makes joy extremely, extremely difficult, even finding joy in Jesus., which explains the chronic depression. I wonder, if the low dose antidepressant, alleviates some of the chronic depression to the extent that it's now possible to find joy in Christ. 

Listening to Christian songs really helps in reminding me to find joy in Christ. Despite the reminder, I'm not sure that I am actually finding joy in Christ. Then, I realize that there is a need for fellow Christians to feel joy in Christ, which I lack. There's a human component to fellowshipping that's needed to fill joy in this life. Otherwise, it's a lonely road, and I think that loneliness is dangerous. 



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