Let's talk about suicide

God created all things good, including life on Earth. Suicide can be understood as murdering the self, which goes against the murder commandment of God's Old Testament Commandments. It's a selfish act. I talked about HT Kim and his ex-girlfriend Linda Lee (who is now wedded to a local attorney Andrew Woo) in a previous post and about his child porn allegation. I wonder what the local Korean Presbyterian youth group did wrong because HT Kim not only committed an act that's illegal in our country but also suicide, which I believe goes against God's commandments to not murder. How did someone who was raised in the local Korean Presbyterian church think of ending a life that God created to be good. 

I'll make a public confession. I returned to NYC in 2012 to finish the BSN component of my education at Columbia Uni. Administration didn't think I was mentally equipped enough to finish and told me to return after taking another break. On impulse, I overdosed on my anti-depressant and anxiety medications because I didn't want my life in NYC to come to a closure. I ended up in the ER of a Chicago hospital and my dad had to fly across the country to get me and make sure I was healthy. I survived that suicide attempt. I lost sight of God's beautiful creation, both myself and life on Earth. I didn't think life could continue if I didn't stay in NYC, which wasn't true, and they allowed me another chance at returning. I was so scared of the unknown outside of life in NYC.

By making this public confession, I risk a handle of things. I make myself vulnerable to public shame and stigma associated with mental insanity but that's a risk I'm willing to take to get the point across that a suicide attempt is an attempt at destroying the good that God created. 

I may never get married and have kids, especially now that I risk the humiliation of an attempted suicide after having disclosed my story, but it's okay. I can still enjoy life as a working RN and think of life as God's beautiful creation, regardless of my discontent with my disfigurement from botched plastic surgery or dissatisfaction with my school grades. 

That's not all I have to say. The girls who I mentioned appeared to have expressed that they also were dissatisfied and unhappy, whether it was due to their societal status or who they weren't dating. Suicide and risk of suicide is a serious, serious condition that afflicts that best of us. What I witnessed from Linda Lee during her pursuit and persistence with Andrew Woo and Esther Choi when she behaved wildly and like she was in distress were two girls who appeared on the edge of suicide if they didn't get what they wanted. Same goes with HT Kim's attempts at becoming a dentist. It's important to think of life on Earth as God's good creation and that enjoying and relishing life on his created Earth is God's wish for us. 

This is a picture of me with my college roommate in London, UK. I think the happiest I've been was when I visited London. I was dissatisfied with the outcome of plastic surgery still, the liposuction of my sides and stomach and the chin implant. Plus, it's just been physically painful which adds to my depression. 

I was much happier with my appearance before any plastic surgery, which is when I was a college student as seen in the photo right above. Even though I weighed more, I was just a much happier person. No amount of human affection or prospect of financial security, through Korean law graduates/law students or even surrounding myself with friends, alleviated my depression with my dissatisfaction of plastic surgery, which is offensive to God since I'm considered His creation and should be happy no matter how I look. 

Anyways - here's to happy times, before I had any plastic surgery that created disfigurement and dissatisfaction with my appearances

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