The next topic: HT Kim's view of Investment Bankers/Banking, Shawshank Redemption

I feel that HT Kim's death is very questionable and worth discussing. I'd first like to make the point that HT Kim and Linda Lee (who is now married to Andrew Woo) dated back in high school. I wouldn't consider myself too close to HT. Nevertheless I think how he died and why he died is a topic worth discussing. HT Kim was allegedly convicted of child pornography, which can be a wobbler crime or felon crime (according to what I've gathered). This deems HT a convict, criminal, and/or felon. If he had been trying to escape the law and was convicted, he could very well be considered a fugitive. HT was a popular figure in the Korean community of Fresno, often found helping the Korean community with college admissions and giving advice on college admissions. Considering the altruistic intentions that he had with the Korean community in Fresno, I wonder what could motivate him to commit such a devastating crime and engaging with child pornography. Additionally, during his allegation, he committed suicide. This murderous act on the self is tragic. It's also offensive to the sight of God, our Creator. As God's creation, aren't we accountable to live our lives as righteous and holy as possible? Suicide is definitely not a holy and righteous act nor solution in hard times. The way HT's life ended is unlike what I've encountered with other Korean guys that I've interacted with. It's devastating, tragic, and shocking. It's also quite controversial. On my end, I didn't ever establish or develop a close enough friendship with HT like I had with other Korean friends of mine, and so I can't say I'm personally affected by both his child pornography allegation and consequent suicide. 

There was one thing about him that offended me or had me think strangely of him. Before his suicide, he had brought his opinion of me leaving for school in NYC. He strayed (as often as he does) to the topic of Shawshank Redemption (I've never watched this movie) and the Investment Banking occupation. He made the loose association between this movie and the stereotype of Investment Bankers, which I thought oddly of him for mentioning. In my vicinity or presence, he'd often ensure that he made his point across about how he felt about Investment Bankers, which he derived from the movie Shawshank Redemption. That's quite irresponsible of him and quite frightening on my end. 

If there's a moral lesson I gain from knowing about HT Kim, a Korean male in the Korean community of Fresno and the Korean Presbyterian church, it's the importance of sound mental health. Suicide results from unhealthy thinking and thought patterns. I'm motivated to incorporate mental health into my nursing practice and career or even to work in the field of mental health to help patients build strong and health minds. I also think it's worth noting that I enrolled in the psychology course Human Sexuality to try getting an admission to Columbia University MSW program back in 2010/2011. Child pornography falls under a sex crime. I think if I had actually finished the psychology course, I would have been more equipped for handling situations like that of HT Kim, where his impact as a role model to Korean Americans in Fresno, CA was paradoxically and definitely felt. 

I think it's sad that he had worked so hard to become a professional dentist and often vocalized how hard he worked and then engaged in the horrendous act of child pornography. His life was one of those that was taken too early and suddenly. 

In regards to how I felt about him, I mentioned how I felt about he unnecessarily brought up the Investment Banking occupation in front of me and often compared it to Shawshank Redemption. I think him doing so gave me, as someone who came back from NYC where I encountered plenty Korean working professionals, the idea that he couldn't be taken seriously nor was really a role model figure for myself. Sometimes, I think he had horrible influence and wasn't someone I'd willingly choose to surround myself with. Firstly, what validity was there that the Investment Banking profession was comparable to Shawshank Redemption. Also, what applicability did knowing that have for me? That encounter with HT leaves me with a bad aftertaste. On that note, HT Kim committed a very serious crime, and whether he was influenced by Shawshank Redemption or not, as proved by how much he talked about the movie prior, only God knows and can gift him the act of grace.  

I can say I'm just as familiar, if not more, with Eugene Kim, who appeared at Emmanuel in NYC, despite less amount of time exposed to him. If HT Kim was trying to prove that any banker was what Shawshank Redemption exemplified, then my dad's youngest brother (an uncle), cousin Austin who works in finance, and any other person I knew that worked in finance is not excluded. Thankfully, I haven't watched Shawshank Redemption and don't know how darkly the Investment Banker is depicted. But my guess, according to HT Kim's description, is that it's not a positive depiction at all. Why would I want to know, then, how negatively portrayed the IB is in Shawshank Redemption, and why would HT, whose character is drawn out by his allegation, want to give me a scare and mention to me a movie with a dark plot? Was his need to mention Shawshank Redemption an attempt to generalize the murderer to all of those who are in the Investment Banking industry? That's what I don't like about HT, and I can conclude he had quite the negative influence on me. I just think he wronged in many ways even before his allegation and subsequent suicide. Ironically, he murdered himself and took away his own life even after his child porn allegation. 

Adding to his mentioning of Shawshank Redemption, he also made sure to mentioned A Beautiful Mind, which I also haven't watched. I assume his tactic was to warn me of the dangers of human nature, which wasn't really needed. If anything, taking Psychiatric Nursing, which I had already taken in NYC, and had to take again in Fresno, brought the awareness needed for what to look out for in regards to mental illness, as is the storyline of A Beautiful Mind. In any case, I'm not sure what use HT had in mentioning both Shawshank Redemption and A Beautiful Mind in a conversation with me that he appeared to to need to control. As I said earlier, the analogy that he tried to make between Investment Bankers and those movies was an irresponsible deed, one of his many unwholesome deeds. 

If there was anyone who revealed their dark side, it was his ex-girlfriend Linda Lee during her pursuit of Andrew W, often making ill comments directed at me and that made me raise my eyebrows...  and the girl named Esther Choi (married to a Jaymin Berg). If there's an occupation that I saw a dark side out of, it's those dentists and aspiring dentists moreso any other occupation as evidenced by both HT Kim (e.g. his allegation and suicide) and his ex-girlfriend Linda Lee throughout her attempt to woo Andrew W. There should be a movie about dentists and their dark side. 

Unlike the conversations I've had with HT upon my return from NYC, the quality time of fellowship with VOG ministry in Fresno a few years prior remind me that we all need God's mercy. I think many of the noted individuals, including myself, showed their "dark" side by pursuing greed and aspiring for more wealth, which God speaks against. Although, the extent wasn't to what is depicted in movies HT Kim mentioned - Shawshank Redemption and A Beautiful Mind - the motive is still driven by greed, giving us further reason to look to God for his redemption and forgiveness.   

Admidst the shenanigans, I did make time to meet with Julia Chang and Brian Choi in Manhattan. Brian Choi was gracious enough to pay for my meal. I also frequently ate with my 2nd cousin Annie Dayoun Kang and her mother.