What does a wedding mean?

 I mentioned that I came across a Columbia law student at the church in NYC after the year at home when Andrew had appeared interested in me with his handful of failed attempts. I think it's for the better. Anyways, I found out the parents of the Columbia law student run a jewelry store that sell engagement rings and wedding bands. 

I've been invited to a number of weddings: Priscilla Park, Esther Lee Park, Christine Yang Hang, Ahnah Lee Han, Andrew's and Linda's, Eugenia Khoo, Linda's sister Jessica, Amy Jun, cousin Austin, brother David, etc. 

This is the girl named Esther Choi (married to Jaymin Berg). I described her wild and misbehaved actions while confronted with me after I came across Columbia law graduate/law student Eugene Kim and Kane Kim and attorney at practice Tracey Kim at the church. Esther Choi convulsed and I'm assuming it was at the thought that I had come across those people and/or what facts she gathered about me. Lo and behold, she had a wedding in Manhattan, NYC and it looks like a picturesque one. 

Am I sad that I won't ever have a wedding? Maybe a tad, considering how things turned out in NYC and the failed attempts at establishing any connection with guys of interest. However, it's not the end of the world, and my life doesn't end because of not having a marriage. Rather than a failed marriage, I think of my journey as failed attempts, which isn't such a bad thing. There's no messy divorce like in a failed marriage. A marriage has to be with the right person, which has me thinking back to my encounters with the guys Eugene Kim and Kane Kim, even Andrew Woo, and of course, David Sihyo Kim lying to me. When showing their interest at me, whether it was initial appeal or however they expressed themselves, could they have had marriage in the back of their minds??? Particularly someone whose parents make a living selling engagement rings and wedding bands. I'm surprised by how needy they showed themselves to be in their attempts at finding love.

As I think of all the guys who have tried establishing a connection with me, I think perhaps they were thinking of marriage as well. Why do we place such significance in marriage, and why is that one of those important life tasks that need to get checked off? Are we not meant to live alone and does marriage serve to avert being alone? I believe a marriage is an indication that one is loved as love binds two people together in a marriage. I choose to live without any significant person expressing their love for me, and I'm okay with that. 

I look at Esther Choi and Linda Lee as two girls who had problems with love. In the case of Linda Lee, she had broken up with her long-time boyfriend Eddie Kim/Yoo in exchange for another love Andrew Woo. With Esther Choi, I saw her distress at her current situation when dating her new beau Jaymin Berg. Could love really be easily torn apart and change? I'm not a pro when it comes to dating and finding love, but I've had my fair share of experimenting with it and seen others looking for it. Throughout my journey, I've found that my chin implant and chin problems weren't allowing me to feel the full effects of what love is, but it took me awhile. Now, I definitely know what I don't love, whether it's jerks or past loves. 

I'm going to switch the subject to college admission. I believe UC Berkeley was gracious with my admission and that I was accepted by the grace of God. 

Today, I have a simulation of a preeclampsia case at school. Once I'm done with that, I'll have to work on a group presentation on the neurodevelopmental effects of mercury exposure during pregnancy. I have a few weeks left of this semester until I'm done! Supposing I pass my lectures (I have As in clinical), I'll have two semesters remaining in the program. Then, I can move wherever I want! 

I'm literally sick of overeating. I can't wait until I have my $10,000 chin revision/bone cutting procedure to alleviate discomfort I've had since the chin implant removal. That way, I'll stop overeating and getting sick from it. 

My physical pains feel worse. My spine and bones in my arms are more painful than ever these days. I can feel stabbing pain in the bones of my arms especially. It's a weird sensation. I don't know if it's attributable to my weight problem, age, or just the physical pain itself. 

Also, my body feels funny in that I don't think I'm fertile like I did in my late 20s. It's just a feeling but it seems like an instinctive feeling. Maybe my eggs are running low. Not very sure.