I wish I had my adiposity back... from the plastic surgeon.

I've encountered different people at the church, wherever I'm at. I believe God places those people into my life for intentional purpose. I want to write about why meeting at the church is the right place versus the nightclub. I'm not well versed enough in the Bible and theology to explain why the church is the correct place to have encounters. Actually, I think I am well versed enough but I just can't remember and read like I used to or retain content from the Bible. 

Today is Good Friday and this coming Sunday is Easter Sunday. I think that's enough to know for explaining why the church is a good, holy, place to meet people. The church in Fresno is where I was raised and where I went to Sunday school. KCPC in Daly City is where I received different Biblical teaching as a college student. EM in VOG was originally a temporary place where I received more teaching before I left for NYC and decided on a church to attend while finishing off my BSN and MSN degrees (at least that was the plan). 

The most important people that you meet at church is God and Jesus Christ, which is the significance of being at the church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday. When I stayed at Uncle Tommy's and Aunt Susie's temporarily, I went to Sunday service with them (not every Sunday but just once), and I wasn't there to mingle with people like I had previously at other churches but I was there to meet God and remember that Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day to serve as redeemer and savior. I also tried Lighthouse church in SD when living with my brother. 

Having said that, I'm deciding to not go to VOG for church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday. The prior blog post explains my history with VOG and how I feel about a former pastor. Prior to Pastor Sung Chang sending me an e-mail, I had lived up in Berkeley in the house Esther Lee (Park) lived at while she was attending optometry school. I brought Ahnah Lee (Han) to a KCPC East Bay small group meeting because I was nervous to go by myself, and I thought I'd reciprocate her generosity when she and Christine Yang (Han) visited me. It was a bit before I sent that impulsive e-mail to Albert Kim (I guess I was really desperate to have the painful and uncomfortable chin implant taken out and couldn't think of any other solution thanks to Priscilla Park and Sharon Han noting his name in conversation.). I noted how embarrassing and ashamed I was because of that. BUT, although I'm incredibly embarrassed by the e-mail and what I said in the e-mail to Albert Kim, there's something even more embarrassing and that's what I witnessed and observed with Esther Choi (Married to a Jaymin BerG) and her behaviors as her reaction to my supposed accusation that she was jealous of something that she saw in me, whether it was my encounters with Columbia Uni law students at church service or it was like Linda Lee with Andrew Woo. 

I will testify that girls act strangely. What Esther Choi (Berg) did left me a bit confused but it makes my e-mail to Albert Kim seem justifiable. She ran manically and protested, never ceasing her behaviors in light of a school exam. It was absolutely crazy. Her behaviors didn't stop her from a 3 million house in paradise city of SD. Meanwhile, I was just simply protesting for my old face and to address the discomforts of plastic surgery with somebody's aid, which I guess I could have asked Ahnah or her brother Ahin Lee to help me remove the chin implant for the discomforts it was creating, in hindsight, rather than lying to Albert Kim. It's really embarrassing. Yeah, asking Ahnah Lee and her brother Ahin would have been a better alternative but I wasn't thinking right back then when I took Ahnah Lee to a KCPC East Bay Bible study. Later in NYC I saw myself at Sunday service sitting right near Eugene Kim and the new face Kane Kim (so, these are all the Korean guys who'd potentially be able to help me with my plastic surgery problems) but I think the most logical person to ask would have been Ahnah Lee and her brother Ahin Lee of Danville. I dunno, I guess I make dumb choices and am not much smarter than the dull headed Pastor Sung Chang from Fresno. I ended up figuring out my chin problems at home and having my chin implant removed with the financial assistance of my parents who were originally adamant about me wanting to have my chin implant removed. The outcome of that removal has led to my 200 weight and further exacerbated my chin problems currently which nobody, no matter their financial prowess, can bring aid to.

I realized I made the stupidest mistake by sending that e-mail and lying to Albert Kim rather than asking Ahnah Lee and her brother Ahin Lee for help back in 2008. It is what it is. Having the chin implant removed early would have prevented a lot of complications.  

I never thought I'd say this: "I wish I had my fat back" in a different way than weighing over 200 lbs. Back in 2008, my mom got the idea of sending me to Dr. Peter Lee, a plastic surgeon in LA, for liposuction and a chin implant augmentation. Well, the fat removal permanently removed fat from areas that I wish I'd have back. It's tiring to have fat misplaced despite regaining weight. The redistribution of fat is also something I'm trying to get used to. The plastic surgery problems, including the chin problems, are tiring and a pain. 

I'm paying $10,000 for an upcoming chin revision procedure to cut off bone using my school loans. Since the chin implant removal, I've paid over about $10,000 excluding this upcoming procedure. Those plastic surgeons make bank while making me go broke, literally. In total, since having my first plastic surgery procedure, which my mom basically enforced, I guarantee I've paid more than $30,000 for plastic surgeon purposes. It's the most ridiculous use of money that I don't encourage. Girls at the Fresno Korean Presbyterian church are known to have plastic surgery done, whether it's the commonly done eyelid procedure for bigger eyes, jaw bone reduction procedure, or a leg calf reduction procedure. The idea that Korean girls are having plastic surgery done indicates that beauty and attainment of beauty is sort of important, and that it's purposeful. I don't necessarily know that it's purpose is good in the way God defines good vs. evil. 

Back when I worked at Dr. Rhonda Rand's in Los Angeles, I came across Producer Jieho Lee of Love Story in Harvard. I had a meeting with him that I initiated. His wife, Min Kim, was one of the actresses in that story. She truly is beautiful. My mom thinks she was a pretty actress, and I agree.  

After meeting my mom's cousin on her dad's side and finding out that her daughter works for her dad's architecture firm in Seoul, I began to think back to the time I thought about studying architecture at my college. Instead, I focused on music, language, and political science college courses since they came more naturally to me. 

Actress Claudia Kim from the K-drama Atypical Family was talented in her performance in that drama. 

Since my mom had me get the chin implant for a chin augmentation procedure, it's been difficult feeling the effects of a normal smile and laugh nearly all the time. Even after I had the chin implant removed, it wasn't what it was like prior to the first procedure. I have had a feel for what it's like living without the effects of smiling and laughing, and it really sucks bad. There's little joy if any. It's depressing and it's a chronic, severe depressing situation. I miss the days when I laughed over little joys in the day to day life. 

The chin implant and chin problems, which I regret not asking Ahnah and her brother Chin Lee for help with, has seriously been the source of issues, creating issues and resulting in issues. I've lied with it. I've been lied to with it. I've been seen as an impersonable person with it. It resulted in the complication with Jamie Chan when Kane Kim reacted impulsively at the church. It resulted in me rejecting Andrew's (persistent) attempts. The chin implant makes me drool when I eat and drink. There's no joy in my life with the resulting chin problem even after the chin implant was removed. If one doesn't want to stay aside a miserable person, then one must stay away from me at all costs. Also, it led to the broil between me and Esther Choi (married. to a Jaymin Berg) a week or so following the Sunday I encountered Eugene Kim and Kane Kim (I've mentioned this quite a few times), which gets me thinking now why did Esther Choi have such a strong impulsive response. Knowing the story of Jesus Christ and God, why would she as a Pastor's daughter have a fit within my vicinity on campus? Was her attempt like Linda Lee's when it came to Andrew Woo's liking over me (at least for some time)? What does holding a law degree mean and why did that have such a strong effect on both Esther Choi, the daughter of a pastor, and Linda Lee? 

I wish I could characterize in detail what I saw from Esther Choi, Linda Lee, and Jamie Chan and their similarity to each other? I saw eyes bulge, angered eyes, fuming nostrils, and erratic impulses from all three mentioned girls. It's actually quite hilarious thinking back to what each of them said or did. 

As for me, my debilitation in that I lack the effects of smiling and laughing at all times creates a disability. Consequentially, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder which I have been taking medication for. It's just that never being able to smile or laugh when it's suppose to be elicited is troublesome. The hormones in my brain are dysfunctional because of the chin implant and chin problem. Even if I was proposed to with an extravagant engagement ring, I'd lack any such response. I just wish I had my original face and body form back, with the fat replaced where they belong. That would sustain my happiness and joy in life. 

I figured, though, that Esther Choi was unhappy (not unlike myself with my chin implant) as a Pastor's daughter compared to that of a prospect lawyer's wife, which wasn't really my situation and was more of Linda Lee's situation since she was proposed to by Andrew Woo in Fresno. All three girls, no matter my personal situation with my chin implant, had at one point directed their frustrated and aggravated emotions at me. The thing is that I wasn't anticipating Esther Choi to express her unhappiness as a pastor's daughter and working RN because I didn't even know who she was. I could understand Linda Lee's unhappiness due to her student loans, but wouldn't working as a dentist solve her unhappiness unless it was that marrying up in social class like that of a lawyer bring her happiness and truly makes her happy. 

Anyways, my experiences with Esther Choi, Jamie Chan, Linda Lee, Eugene Kim, Kane Kim, Andrew Woo, and David Sihyo Kim gave me an eye-opening experience with what makes people in a church ministry happy, and whether it's false reassurance of happiness is up to God.