More school

I thought about how I'm going to complete a master's degree in nursing since I'll need to pay bills and help my parents. Working full-time and going to school part-time sounds the most reasonable. USC has a FNP program, both full-time and part-time. I hope I can receive acceptance into a program like their part-time program for the FNP. 

There was a civilian shooting in Midtown East of Manhattan today. It saddens me to find out there are individuals out there angry enough to kill people and then to kill oneself. It's also scary. This isn't the only shooting in NYC. There was one targeted shooting previously by the Luigi Manigione guy. In his case, he didn't shoot himself and rather, ended up on trial for murdering the chief executive officer of a healthcare or insurance company. Being near a gun or having a gun directed at you is the scariest thing. I've had both happen in my past. Your life is literally on the line. 

I was in a bad part of town in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil while studying abroad there. And, I just happen to be near guys who held these big guns. Another time was when I had just ironically returned from Manhattan and worked for my mom. A robber came into the store and directed a guy towards my head. It was the scariest thing. 

I think people who hold a lot of anger are the scariest people. Anger is such a horrible emotion to have.

When I become stressed, I don't sleep well. Tonight, I woke up in the middle of a nightmare. I don't know whether the nightmare was provoked by the images of the shooting or something else, but nonetheless, I'm stressed. 

I'm wary of any followers who obsess over me. Like I said, there was a male schoolmate at Columbia Uni. who literally stalked my whereabouts, even coming into my room without an invitation. Typically, there are those guys who I welcome into my life. That's a romantic life. But for those who don't fit into the category, I'm just super wary. It's kind of creepy and rude. Typically, having a boyfriend or guy friend that I trust protects me from any unwanted obsessed individuals. I just think it's weird to have an obsessed following over me or my social media accounts by those who aren't my friends. I've contemplated keeping my social media accounts private. In this specific case, I'm not worried about stalking or crushing as I would be in other scenarios and I had a lot of that happen in my youth. I'm just concerned that the person is being rude and obtrusive. I'm afraid this person doesn't know good judgment and doesn't know how to control his impulse of obsessively checking my IG stories. I mean, if it's that obsessive he should follow me but it's been too long without following. I understand followers checking my stories because they have first hand knowledge of me adding a story. In this case, he has to deliberately check up on my IG to see if I'm posting a story and to not be able to control the impulse to check my story consecutively, it's just weird to me. 

In my youth, a lot of guys liked me. So I have a keen sense of what's obsessive, even though in this case it's not about crushing or liking. It's just an inability to control an obsessive urge or impulse, which I think is weird. In this scenario, I believe I have to privatize my IG to protect myself and for safety. 

I also think there's a component of other people who are more responsible for this person's welfare not fulfilling their duties and taking care of him. It's really sad. 

I'll continue on by telling my stories of guys who showed a strong liking to me or interest. I knew Andrew liked me but I just wasn't able to reciprocate his initiation. Later on at Columbia Uni., there was an Armenian nursing guy schoolmate who had an obsessive interest in contacting me and looking for me to the point of stalking. I had trouble distinguishing whether he was a good friend or bad friend with stalker like interest in me. 

Sometime during the school year at Columbia, two Korean Columbia law guys at the church showed their interest in me and took initiative. Typically, when I have a liking or slight interest in the guy, I'll respond. But I just wasn't able to similarly to the situation with Andrew at home. I've been used to guys liking me since my youth. I get a good feeling and typically I'm right about it. It becomes scary when I don't have feelings or an interest in the person or if it's unwanted. If it's unwanted on my end, I would rather not have them obsess over me or follow me around. 

Rather than this case being about a stalker, it's about this guy's inability to control his urge to follow me obsessively. Despite having liberty to check my publicized account,  he also should be a responsible adult and in this situation, he's not being a responsible normal adult and rather consuming useless time checking my account. It doesn't make sense to me at all. 

I mean, he's like at least 10 years younger than me. I should be forgiving but it's really intrusive. He has no reason to obsess over me or my daily activities, but it's borderline stalker-ish. Those daily stories on my IG are for my friends. I wonder if he lacks an ability to think of the other side, like my place. 

Granted I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, but I do like to keep my life pretty private. It's seriously uncomfortable that there's a guy, no matter the interest, who sees my IG the way he does.