Amanda Hwang's Blog

I have a recipe book titled Sushi Making at Home by Yasuko Kamimura. I found it extremely useful and helpful. Now, I don't use the book because I've learned from the book but I refer to it every so often. I recommend the book for anyone wanting sushi recipes and to learn how to make Japanese sushi.  I've made nigiri sushi, along with sushi rolls, with my parents at home. They're not the fancy ones with different sauces like at restaurants, but they're simple and tasty at the same time. The book isn't expensive at all, 10 dollars or so, maybe less online.  After taking today's 3rd exam for Ob, I got to thinking it's possible that I could pursue a FNP master's program, which is offered part-time and full-time. The reasoning behind this is that my body is hurting a lot, like sharp pain in areas of my spine and upper arms. I am a bit concerned on how long I'll be able to withstand and tolerate working as a bedside RN, which I've seen is a physica...

 My surgery date is in late May. I can't wait until I get to exercise again. I plan on resuming dance fitness and cycling, yoga, and pilates classes and cardio at the gym. I had my last class in research class. I am officially proficient in research nursing. I'm really not but I'm sure glad I passed the class! My memory has been getting increasingly poor. That becomes a problem when grocery shopping. For the Korean Rose tteokbokki, I need heavy cream. Whenever I go to buy heavy cream at TJ's, I can't remember whether coconut cream works or if I need to buy heavy whipping cream. So, I buy both. The heavy whipping cream works and I used it. Since I ran out of that, I tried the coconut cream. Well, with the incorporate of the coconut cream, the recipe turned out tasting a bit sweet and it wasn't made to my liking. It was too liquid-y as well, so I'm just going to throw it away (What a waste of Korean rice cake). It could be that the ratio of coconut cream to mi...

 I mentioned that I came across a Columbia law student at the church in NYC after the year at home when Andrew had appeared interested in me with his handful of failed attempts. I think it's for the better. Anyways, I found out the parents of the Columbia law student run a jewelry store that sell engagement rings and wedding bands.  I've been invited to a number of weddings: Priscilla Park, Esther Lee Park, Christine Yang Hang, Ahnah Lee Han, Andrew's and Linda's, Eugenia Khoo, Linda's sister Jessica, Amy Jun, cousin Austin, brother David, etc.  This is the girl named Esther Choi (married to Jaymin Berg). I described her wild and misbehaved actions while confronted with me after I came across Columbia law graduate/law student Eugene Kim and Kane Kim and attorney at practice Tracey Kim at the church. Esther Choi convulsed and I'm assuming it was at the thought that I had come across those people and/or what facts she gathered about me. Lo and behold, she had a we...

I went to the local Japanese grocery store in Fresno, Central Fish Market, and bought some goodies. I bought rice seasoning, hand roll seaweed, freshly made sushi, instant udon, and some poke. I finished my Pediatric Clinical presentation, which I'm glad to have finished. I was able to add lecture classes for next semester. Time is flying by fast. Next semester, my clinical courses will be in Community Health and Critical Care. Sounds like it'll be another intense semester.  This picture is from the end of my 1st year in undergraduate. I got around to thinking how Korean am I? Fresno doesn't have a large and thriving Korean community whereas cities like Los Angeles and NYC do. That makes living in Fresno a bit more difficult and lonelier. I don't have a community to connect with whereas back in college, it was easy for me to find Koreans anywhere. That's how it was in NYC, too. From the start, my second aunt and her daughter came to find me at my dormitory and dropp...

After I took O-chem & Biochemistry class with Eugenia Khoo, she called me to ask if I was available to work part-time at her work place. She needed someone to help her out with her hours as she applied to pharmacy school, which she eventually left to attend at Temple in Philadelphia. Well, I came across a variety of cases at work. One of them was the IUD, which is a form of contraception. At the time, I was around age 25 turning 26. I had to measure the IUD and describe it in my dictation. I also came across cases of stillbirth and concepts of miscarriage. Those cases were truly sad. I'd see a fetus in its early form as gel-like product with facial features, and fingers and toes.  Mind you, the nature of the work itself can be suffice to have me lose my virginity prematurely. It was sad and somewhat emotional coming across those cases. I didn't lose my virginity though, despite David Sihyo Kim lying to me and coming across a total of 4 Korean lawyers fresh out of law school...

Easter Sunday sermon  @ Redeemer Downtown. Since I don't have a local church to go to or affiliate with, Youtube is the way I'm celebrating Easter Sunday.  Worship on Easter Sunday @ Clovis Hills. I find the worship at Clovis Hills refreshing, so I'm posting their's as well.  On Easter Sunday, Jesus came back from death and rose up to be with God, His Father. I'm reminded of what His return signifies, that it means He washes away our sins and provides us with plenty of grace. Jesus Christ sacrificed Himself and died on the cross for all of us and our sinful ways. Making a sacrifice for anyone is really hard, and Jesus was able to do that for not just one person but all believers. I honestly have a hard time sacrificing my time even for friends, but Jesus showed how sacrificial He is for all of us.  Why is Jesus' act of sacrifice so wondrous? Well, I imagine myself sacrificing for other people, which is rare, since I don't do it often. It's just simply ha...

God created all things good, including life on Earth. Suicide can be understood as murdering the self, which goes against the murder commandment of God's Old Testament Commandments. It's a selfish act. I talked about HT Kim and his ex-girlfriend Linda Lee (who is now wedded to a local attorney Andrew Woo) in a previous post and about his child porn allegation. I wonder what the local Korean Presbyterian youth group did wrong because HT Kim not only committed an act that's illegal in our country but also suicide, which I believe goes against God's commandments to not murder. How did someone who was raised in the local Korean Presbyterian church think of ending a life that God created to be good.  I'll make a public confession. I returned to NYC in 2012 to finish the BSN component of my education at Columbia Uni. Administration didn't think I was mentally equipped enough to finish and told me to return after taking another break. On impulse, I overdosed on my anti...

I've encountered different people at the church, wherever I'm at. I believe God places those people into my life for intentional purpose. I want to write about why meeting at the church is the right place versus the nightclub. I'm not well versed enough in the Bible and theology to explain why the church is the correct place to have encounters. Actually, I think I am well versed enough but I just can't remember and read like I used to or retain content from the Bible.  Today is Good Friday and this coming Sunday is Easter Sunday. I think that's enough to know for explaining why the church is a good, holy, place to meet people. The church in Fresno is where I was raised and where I went to Sunday school. KCPC in Daly City is where I received different Biblical teaching as a college student. EM in VOG was originally a temporary place where I received more teaching before I left for NYC and decided on a church to attend while finishing off my BSN and MSN degrees (at le...

 While perusing through Youtube sermons, I noticed a familiar face from one church recording and that was Matthew Yi (husband of Mildred Yi). Matthew Yi and Mildred Yi had come through Fresno and Matthew Yi had served as the youth group pastor of Korean Presbyterian church youth group. Then they lived in San Leandro during the time I was a college student at UC Berkeley. I believe Matthew Yi (and Mildred Yi) was a responsible group leader unlike Pastor Sung Chang, who also lacks  눈치 in the way I described Saehee Kim and HT Kim's mother.  I wasn't around much when Sung Chang was the pastor of the Korean Presbyterian church youth Group in Fresno. I can't even remember who my Youth group pastor was since I was too busy with my head in the AP European History and AP Human geography books in junior year. I forget. Anyways, when I returned to Fresno temporarily between 2010-2011, I discovered pastor Sung Chang wasn't the most responsible group Leader.  ...

A few years ago, my parents kicked me out and I moved into a Buddhist Temple located in Fresno, CA. At first, it was more of a place to live for me. I didn't feel comfortable engaging in their Buddhist practices... initially. As time passed, I got to know the people living there and the Korean Buddhist Monk. I participated in chants with them and ate out with them. If you've gone to Korea, you'll see Buddhist temples spread throughout Seoul and even throughout South Korea, signifying that the Buddhist religion has influence on Korean culture and Korean society.  Living at the Buddhist temple was temporary, and I've returned to the practices of the Christian religion despite not having a local ministry that I belong to. The Buddhist experience was a short-lived one that I most likely won't return to unless I have to again... by necessity. I lived there for awhile without a car, and they sustained my livelihood before the Korean monk drove me to a Buddhist temple in S...

 My brother was apparently born 3 months early, which makes his birth at around 27 weeks gestation if full term is defined as 39 weeks. He was exposed to my dad's cigarette fumes. Fortunately, I was born at full term. When I was in my 20s to 30s, I kept a healthy weight below 130. Now, whether it's caused by the chin problems or not, I weigh well over 200 lbs. I'm currently learning about various complications in pregnancy, one of which is those caused by obesity. There are a handful of complications and risks associated with obesity that I'd never want to become pregnant at my current weight. Another reason, once I have the chin revision surgery, to lose weight is the consideration of pregnancy in the future. Although at my age of 41, I'm choosing it to not be a consideration. What's it like to not see kids in my foreseeable future? Well, it's a bit sad, adding to my chronic depression from the chin problems. The obesity doesn't really add to my chronic...

 I want to post the pictures from a trip I took to South Korea last year with my parents. My parents are going to South Korea again in a few weeks but without me. I'll post the pictures from last year as soon as I get around to it. 

 In a previous post, I mentioned what it's like watching Youtube recordings of church sermons, and what effect it has on me. I recently watched Onnuri Seoul EM and thought back to a summer in Seoul studying abroad during which I attended Onnuri Seoul EM nearly every Sunday. It was such an honor to be able to attend a famous, large ministry. At home, I stopped going to VOG, the EM affiliate of the Korean Presbyterian church. I feel that I outgrew it, both in fellowship and worship. I don't think I can return to a ministry that I don't connect with anymore.  I began to think to myself what needs does a church ministry fulfill for the individual? And, why can't I get those needs met through the local ministry at home, VOG? It's such a complicated journey because in one sense it makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty that I am not able to fellowship with fellow church goers in VOG, despite having done so in the years 2010 and 2011. Also, Emmanuel Presbyterian Church is con...

A lot of the duties of a RN is physical, as well as mental. Although I currently weigh over 200 pounds, I plan on losing weight back to a normal, healthy weight once I have the chin revision surgery. I really hope the chin revision surgery works, and allows me to lose weight again. It'd be nice to get back to a healthy weight.  I want to be able to exercise and get fit so that I have stamina while working as a RN, especially if I plan on relocating to the city. 

 I'll be spending spring break doing homework. It'll be pretty uneventful.  Watching church on Youtube is like watching recording of celebrities that I follow. It's partially entertainment. The difference is that with church there is the aspect of fellowship, which I haven't participated in forever. The last time fellowship worked for me was between 2010-2012. I'd have to read the Bible to figure out the definition of fellowship and the duties that come along with. Currently, I don't feel that tug to any one ministry. So, I have a superficial aspect to various ministries by watching church on Youtube. It's a bit hard and the same time, I don't expect inclusion into any one community unless I work hard for it.  Fortuante enough for me, I have a large family where inclusion is semi-natural in that it's a given but still have to work for it. Family within the church is different because you're not tied by blood. I don't know where I'm going ...

I woke up at 4 AM this morning. So, I'm sitting in front of my computer and started wondering, after watching a number of sermons yesterday on Palm Sunday, how are the concept holy and righteous defined? And, what does that mean to me as a challenged Christian who lived quasi righteously up to a certain time in my life? How does holiness look? I know I focused in my past blog posts about my chronic depression that's some attributed by a disfigurement of looks, but rather than focusing on my outward appearance, how about focusing on holiness and righteousness? What does it mean to be holy and righteous? I used to volunteer as a Sunday school Children's Ministry teacher at the church in SF during two-three years of college, and back then, I had been challenged to think about holiness and righteousness in the context of Jesus Christ our Saviour.  In a prior post, I had spoken about how I missed the church ministry from the past. I left VOG after about a year and a half, during...

A group of NYC friends through a church sent me an e-mail invitation to attend a NY Yankees game. I was super thrilled but I had come back to Fresno temporarily and had to miss the game. I don't follow sports but apparently there was a baseball game between NY Yankees and SF Giants today. I've attended a A's Oakland game back when I was an undergraduate student and volunteered at the stands. If I had to choose between being a fan of NY Yankees and SF Giants, it'd all depend on where I'm living. Hahaha. Since I had lived in NYC, I would have converted to a NY Yankees fan. Since I'm back on the West Coast, I'm definitely converted to SF Giants fan. That's how I decide which sports team to root for.  To give an idea of my depression over potentially being in a relationship, going to a NY Yankees baseball game with a new group of friends in NYC gave me more joy, even though there was no financial security or incentive whereas being in a relationship kind of ...